"Experts"

From New Scientist magazine: Human egg makes accidental debut on camera.

Look closely: this is history in the making. These are the clearest pictures ever taken of what is the starting point of every human life: ovulation occurring inside a woman's body.

Observing ovulation in humans is extremely rare, and previous images have been fuzzy... The release of an egg was considered a sudden, explosive event, but [these] pictures, to be published in Fertility and Sterility, show it taking place over a period of at least 15 minutes."

I read this article at my sister's house last week and showed my brother-in-law right afterwards. At first, we were both obviously amazed. But after a second or two, we looked at each other and were like, Hmmm... experts don't really know anything, do they?

I mean, you'd think with all the progress with IVF, etc., they'd know it takes 15 minutes for an egg to be released and not a nano-second, right?

"There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know."
— Ambrose Bierce


(BTW, regarding the picture of the ovary... that's what Picky and Choosy's home looks like.)

It's a Baby!

Now, I'm a little late on posting this because what I'm about to tell you happened on the day I left to go to my sister's house a couple weeks, but do you remember my unborn children, Picky and Choosy? Well, someone made a joke saying I should register for baby gifts for them (which isn't a bad idea), and then the very next day, the FedEx man brought me a package from the Method people that looked like this:


Yes, the box says, "It's A Baby!" on the outside. Inside were two new products from Method's new baby and kid line:




Now, I know I'm on Method's list of people to send things to because I love their products so much and write about using them often, but don't you think it's a bit coincidental that the day after I introduced Picky and Choosy to the world they sent me a box of baby products?

I think not.

Thank you, Method people, for giving me my very first baby gift!

Since I was on my way to babysit when I received them, I ended up bringing both products with me for Nora and Jack to use. (Sorry Picky and Choosy, but the products said "external use only" and you're inside my ovaries, and well... it just didn't seem safe to try and get them to you.) If I hadn't been, I probably would've used them myself.

Anyway, Nora LOVED the crisp apple 3-in-1 shampoo. She loved the fact that it came out of a funny-looking little man and she loved the fact that it smelled like apples. She used so much of it during her bath the first night that she was sticky when she got out of the tub. (I guess I'm supposed to monitor that stuff when I'm in charge of the bath, but she kept screaming, "More! More!" so I kept giving it to her.) I probably should've rinse her off before she got ready for bed, but I didn't, and you know... she didn't even itch, which says a lot about that product.

As for Jack, he's still too little to tell me if he liked the rice milk and mallow hair + body wash, but he has really sensitive skin one and it didn't bother him one bit. Also, it smelled sooooooo good.

Thank you, Method! Please keep sending your products! They work great, smell great, and are so pretty that I don't put them away when company comes over.

My Children

Phone conversation last night:

Mark: David and I have names for your children.
Me: What children?
Mark: Your unborn children.
Me: *heavy sigh* What are they?
Mark: Picky and Choosy.

He thinks I'm too finicky when it comes to the men I date, hence naming the children I will never have Picky and Choosy. And you know, maybe he's right, but I have not waited this long to settle.

But because I have a good and somewhat perverse sense of humor, I've decided to make these unborn children real. (In a fictional sense, of course.) So here they are... I've drawn pictures of them for you. Ladies and gentleman, please meet Picky and Choosy, my unborn children:

UPDATE: A chat with Laura about the above picture:

 

Laura: I love Picky's hair and mouth, but you can't tell she and Choosy are sisters.
Me: Choosy's a boy.
Laura: WHAT? No way. Why is he wearing a blue dress then?
Me: Because he's confused. He was born with unidentifiable sex organs.
Laura: No way.
Me: Yes. And you can't see it in the picture, but Picky has a second head coming out of her back.
Laura: Like a Siamese twin?
Me: Yes. It always backtalks her and makes her really angry.
Laura: They make me afraid to have children.