Brain Boy

I'm at Starbucks right now working away, and a smelly guy is sitting next to me. He's not "b.o." smelly, but more like "the shirt I'm wearing was laying on an old mildewy towel" smelly or "wearing the same clothes that I wore to a Chinese restaurant last night" smelly.

But here's the thing... he's kinda cute and he's reading from some kind of medical book, studying a diagram of a brain. I'm looking at the top of the page and it says... "Interior root of the Ansa Cervicalis."

Maybe he's a brain surgeon. Or a medical student studying to be brain surgeon.

My point is this: Maybe I should overlook brain boy's smelly clothes. Maybe he just needs a good woman to take care of him and do his laundry. I'm not saying I'd do his laundry, but I'd pick up the phone and find us a good maid who would.

Oops... I just made myself laugh. Not because I think I'm funny... I'm just giddy with excitement at the possibility of a new love interest.

Ooh! Brain boy just looked at me.

I smiled at him. He smiled back. Now he's back to the book.

He's definitely younger than me, which is fine. I recently watched "Prime" and "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" and could totally handle a sexy young thing.

Hmmm... now my mind is wandering. If I could pick any sexy young thing, I'd pick Paolo Nutini. I'd lay his sweet little head on my bosom and stroke his floppy hair, and he'd look up at me with his big brown puppy dog eyes and sing me a song. Then he'd kiss me with his pillowy soft lips...


I sound like a teenage boy in a locker room... Sorry.

Is this something that happens to women after 30? That they find barely-legal guys simply irresistible? Because I find myself checking out bag boys and walking by Abercrombie & Fitch an awful lot lately.

Kidding. Really, I am.

Back to brain boy... He just stood up and is kinda short. I'm not big on short guys. I'm not looking for a giant, just someone taller than me. Okay, I'm over him.

Gosh, I ramble... what was the purpose of this post? I totally forgot. Oh well.

Ramble About Gross People At Starbucks

So I'm sitting at a Starbucks on the upper east side and this totally irritating man comes up to me and wants to share my table. I say sure, fine, absolutely, sit down. But he doesn't, and instead starts moving the table as I'm sitting at it, typing. You see, he wants to lean against a wall and rest his arm here or there or something like that. But I can't type on my laptop when the table is shoved in the corner against the wall, so when the guy goes up to get his coffee, I move it back to where it's supposed to be... So when he comes back, he's all like, "Why isn't the table where I moved it?" Well sir, I can't fit my chair in the small space between it and the window when it's shoved in the corner like that. There are four other tables open, why don't you take one of those? "Because I want to sit here, the light is better." Well, fine, sit here, but you're not moving the table. So he sits at a different table, pulls out his paper, starts reading. People sit at the table next to him, start talking. He asks them to keep it down. They look at him, like, "Crazy fool." He continues to read his paper, then takes off his shoes.


STARBUCKS ISN'T YOUR FREAKIN' LIVING ROOM, GROSS GUY.

Don't ever do this.

Celebrity Sighting: Emily Mortimer

I've been sitting next to Emily Mortimer at Starbucks for the past hour. Since I thought it would be rude to take a picture of her with my computer like I did with bloated Harry, I instead took a picture of her coffee, which she left on the table when she left. Here it is:


Emily has been in many films, including Notting Hill, The Pink Panther and Match Point, in which she played Jonathan Rhys Meyer's wife.


She also played a love interest of Alec "You are a rude, thoughtless little pig" Baldwin in a few episode of "30 Rock."