Things That Bother Me

Things that bother me:

  1. Plastic forks
  2. Howie Mandel
  3. The fact that Anna Nicole is still staring at me from TrimSpa bottles at the corner deli
  4. The word "quasi"
  5. People who use the word "quasi"
  6. Diet Coke Plus, because getting your vitamins from an artificially-sweetened soda pop is queer
  7. That I find myself worrying about the people in the Cingular commercials, like Josh and Abby and that one lady who, after getting flowers from her boyfriend at work, calls her friend and is like, "Everyone says this means he cheated on me," and her friend is like, "No, he didn't cheat on you, don't be silly," but the phone drops out so the first lady doesn't hear this and freaks. The miscommunication leaves me feeling uneasy, and I wanna call these people on a land line and clear everything up.
  8. ↑Run-on non-sentences, like the first half of #7
  9. Dust bunnies
  10. That the definition of "dust bunny" contains the phrase "skin particles"
  11. That Beverly never comes when I call her, yet always appears when the fridge opens
  12. When the men I date send me text messages. I'm sorry, are we fifteen? I'm an adult, you're an adult, pick up the phone.
(This is an ongoing list.)