According to viral immunologist Skip Virgin, the herpes family of viruses can protect against the bubonic plague.
These new results do not mean people should go out and get infected with herpes," Virgin stressed.
Thanks for clarifying that, Skip, because I was ready to run out and rape Fred Durst. (Eww... I would never do that.)
You realize what this means, don't you. If the bubonic plague hits any time soon, Paris Hilton will have the power to save the human race.
Just what mankind needs.