I'm a Special, Special Girl

I want to put an image in your head...

I got my teeth cleaned this morning and had an itty bitty cavity that needed to be filled so I got a shot of novocaine in my mouth. (Note: My step-dad is a dentist so I therefore have impeccable oral hygiene and don't know how this happened.) Because of the novocaine, the left side of my mouth is droopy, and I've been speaking with a lisp and drooling. On top of this, I'm wearing an enormous pair of sneakers that look like orthopedic shoes and I keep tripping in them.

Now, I would never, ever, ever make fun of people who are mentally-challenged——I have a mentally-challenged person in my family and he's a better person than most people I know——but I seriously look like I have some kind of palsy.

But here's the thing: I think it's kind of cool. I find that the older I get, the more I embrace my shortcomings, so I don't mind looking like this. In fact, I hope my face stays like this for my book-signing in Chicago tomorrow. Can you imagine? Random people will walk by me and be like, "Gosh... what a gal! She's accomplished so much... considering her limitations and all." Yes! That would be cool...

Later, if you're lucky, I might even tell you about my lazy eye.