N-N-N-Nora! Beautiful Nora! You're the Only G-G-G-Girl That I Adore!

I'm alive. I haven't been kidnapped by Lenny. I'm at my sister's house babysitting my eight-month-old niece, Nora. The idea of me babysitting is funny for one main reason: it's me babysitting. To say that I know nothing about babies is an understatement. Me watching my niece is kind of like me coaching a football team, or me trying to hold a conversation with someone like Alan Greenspan. None of them come naturally to me.

Like for instance, when my sister was pregnant and stocking up on goods, my friend told me that I had to get her this thing called the "instant bath." I imagined it to be like a car wash for babies: you put them in one end, turn a crank, and they pop out the other end all spic and span. I went to Babies 'R' Us looking for it, I scoured the internet - no one had it. I called my friend and was like, "This instant bath thing doesn't exist," and she was like, "You idiot - I said infant bath."

Anyway, to further my point, I can't tell when her diaper is wet so I just keep changing her. Also, I'm not really sure how to entertain her, so I keep making faces and dancing. She seems to like it, she keeps smiling at me, so I guess I'm doing something right. (It's either that or she's looking at me thinking, You're such a dufus.)

She just got up from her second nap and I just fed her lunch. She had sweet potatoes and corn. I gave it a little taste and have to admit - the stuff's not bad. It would make a good glaze for a chicken breast or something like that.

So anyway, this leads me to my question. Nora is going to grow up and call me "Aunt Karyn" or "Auntie Karyn," but I don't like the way either name sounds. They just don't flow off the tongue that smoothly. I'd much prefer it if my name were something snappy like "Aunt Tootie" or something. Any suggestions?