Dating Dictionary

I'm a HUGE fan of made-up words. I'm also a huge fan of Daily Candy. Every so often the clever clan behind this popular website sends out newsletters with fun words and phrases that they've heard people using. Many of these words have become a part of my daily vocabulary and some have even made it into my new book. Below is a list of some faves in the world of romance and sex. Read them, use them, and then (of course) visit Daily Candy when you're done.

bandwagoner
n. A once-single woman who traditionally swears off the holiday but is now happily coupled off and suddenly all about hearts, roses, and luuuv...

bonk statement
n. The reply you must give to the question that every prospective lover will casually pose after you first have sex. ("So, how many people have you slept with before me?")

boreplay
n. The worst kind of foreplay, which rarely, if ever, leads to intercourse.

bust bust
v. To be busted by your significant other for staring at another woman's breasts.

candy-boxer
n. A cop-out gifter. ("Good old George. He's a total candy-boxer, but I still love him.")

cryday the 13th
n. The day before Valentine's Day if you don't have a boy/girlfriend.

drailing
v. E-mailing when drunk.

DIZO
n. Acronym. Describes (busy, working, all-too-typical) couple: Dual Income, Zero Orgasm.

dressed to spill
adj. Used to describe a woman's precarious and flirtatious state of dress, wherein a great deal more than cleavage will likely be revealed. ("Look at Alexis' nonexistent top. That girl is dressed to spill tonight!")

drimming
v. Drunk instant-messaging.

earnest hemorrhage
n. A man who is oppressively forthcoming with every thought and feeling. Antonym: Ernest Hemingway, linguistically stingy author.

eggsnog
n. A makeout session that takes place under the influence of eggnog.

e-mauling
v. Stalking someone via e-mail.

fear goggling
n. The act of rushing into a relationship in order to avoid spending Valentine's Day alone.

fifty-footer
n. Someone who looks really attractive from 50 feet away. Closer examination reveals...

F.L.A.C.I.D.
n. Pronounced "flaccid." Acronym for Failed Lovers Against Caller ID. Don't say you haven't been there. We all have.

flighty Aphrodite
n. A favorite Valentine's date, she's undeniably attractive and intellectually challenged.

foxymoron
n. One who is incredibly dumb but incredibly cute, who simultaneously attracts and repels. ("I'm so ashamed. I hooked up with that foxymoron last night.")

gu
adj. Pronounced "goo" acronym for "geographically undesirable." ("Great guy and all, but totally gu - he lives all the way in Reseda!")

guyatus
n. A hiatus from guys. ("Thanks, but no thanks. I'm kind of on guyatus.")

helicopter girl/boyfriend
n. A significant other who finds it necessary to hover around his or her mate at all times. ("I'd love to come to girls' night, but my helicopter probably won't let me out of his sight.")

hetox/shetox
n. Taking a break from romance and its attending insanities. A.k.a. turning off the valve.

HIT
n. Homosexual-in-training. He may not know it yet, but everyone else does.

hobeau
n. A less-than-hygienic boyfriend. ("Better open the window. Here come Gloria and her hobeau.")

inebridate
v. To regularly and repeatedly have drunken intercourse (never sober) with the same person. ("If my liver could take it, I'd inebridate John for at least another couple of months.")

intie
n. The intimacy flu. Usually occurs 2 to 3 weeks into a budding dating relationship. Symptoms include unreturned phone calls, "mistakenly" deleted e-mails, and sleeping on far edge of the bed.

kama-suture
n. Aid for injuries sustained during aerobic bedroom exercises (particularly by non-aerobic types.)

locationship
n. A relationship based solely on proximity, such as with your neighbor.

love at first fight
n. Syndrome experienced by those drawn to each other by arguments and make-up sex.

maid of dishonor
n. The wedding attendant who alters her dress to show lots o' cleavage, then sleeps with the best man.

manbiguous
adj. A quality in a man by which his behavior, sexual and otherwise, raises question about his sexual orientation.

margariter
v. To serve a margarita for the express purpose of loosening up. Alt. margaritim. ("He's just sitting in the corner, Sally. If you're interested you're going to have to margaritim.")

mistleho
n. Someone who hangs around under the mistletoe, waiting to get kissed. ("Eve was being such a mistleho at the company party that no one else could get any play from the cute tech guys.")

ranky
adj. Gross, nasty; hybrid term - raunchy meets skanky.

restaur-romp
n. A date that gets out of hand at a dinner table and/or bar area. ("After two bottles of wine my date turned into a full-on restaur-romp.")

reverse evolution princes
n. Men who at first seem to be princes but turn out to be frogs.

Saturday night fever
n. Often followed by a real fever, the delirium that comes over some women as they get (un)dressed for a Saturday night on the town, believing that the temperature is as much as twenty degrees warmer than it actually is.

scamentine
n. Someone who always has a random hookup on Valentine's Day.

scum
n. Self-Centered Urban Male.

smellibacy
n. A state of involuntary celibacy brought on by bad hygiene. ("Jake has only himself to blame. His three-year dry spell is a clear case of smellibacy.")

staremaster
n. Gym dandies who constantly check themselves out in the mirror. ("If that staremaster touches his pecs one more time...")

stray
n. A heterosexual male who everyone secretly thinks is gay.

textual harassment
n. A proposition via text message; received, generally speaking, quite late in the evening. Similar to a textual advance, only far more annoying.

Valenspammer
n. Shallow sentimentalist who sends valentines to everyone he/she knows. ("Don't be flattered by Pat's card. He/She is a notorious Valenspammer.")

"He/She is a lot of yabba dabba and not a lot of do."
adj. Used to refer to someone who is all talk and no action.